Aftermath

Too many cigarettes and diet soda, sometimes spending the day alone can be boring and lead to a very pissy mood. Left over stuffing, sweet potatos, greens, mac and cheese eaten one too many times. Solice in the form of dinner in a mexican resturant with people I don't know or like. Save one. I can't stand folks who don't tip rightously. How hard is it to figure out 20% of your bill ? Everyone has a right to be paid for their efforts. I guess some folks need to feel like it's up to them to determine what effort is worth, if anythng. Does privledge mean never having to take a close look at anything you do ? If something dosn't affect your personal status quo then who gives a shit right. Is that why the people in red america voted the way they did ? I really feel frustrated . America ...so race bound ...so class bound...so fucked...

BLUE 

Shut up already !

So I've crawled out of my pity pot and realized I am no worse off than I was 2 weeks ago... so get on with it . I spoke to a friend last night who has suffered so many losses in the past few months the least of which was the dumb ass election that it made me feel like an ass . She is one of the strongest people I know although she would never admit it. Thanks "A" for letting me know there is always more...

Beginning of a movement

So I want to believe that all that has transpired in the past week is the beginning of a movement, any movement, but I feel locked into a state of inertia . I find it hard to read, see or hear anything that has to do with that man in D.C.. I realize that this is not ok , and that I can not hide from the reality but I want to. Perhaps this is just me, the person I am, afraid of so many things. It is so much easier to ignore/deny the unpleasantness of life, as if what happened is just unpleasantness, than to face things head on. My personal issue I know. I feel all my emotions just bubbling under the surface . I am constantly on the verge of tears and find it hard to speak passionately about anything, I really mean anything, without wanting to cry or smash something. I don't know where I'm going with this , I am not a writer , it is a struggle for me to even type. What I am is a speaker, verbage has always served/saved me and right now that is not working for me. So maybe putting a few words down here will help release my verbal block, ease my fragile emotional state and give me strength. Or perhaps it will just make me a better typist.

Not so Normal, Ill. 

Peoria is a real place.

Flew into Normal to visit a long lost friend in Peoria . Pushing east coast snobbery aside for a long weekend in the heartland. Where all the restaurants are "all you can eat". Mullets can still be found among the church going queers I met. Dykes not quite comfortable with my tattoos and brown skin, did their best to show me a good time. Would I do the same for them ? Probably not. But then a change happened. What struck me was the sense of unity they all had. They are really in it all together.. from supporting each others businesses, to planning Balls and Flings. This all happens in a very hostile environment, far from the relative safety of my queer east coast community. We may not be united but we do have clout and numbers. A small little gathering like the Ball was the greatest thing to my Midwest small town peeps, and I got caught up in it all ...the limo ride, the champagne, the prom like pictures , right down to the cheesy DJ playing very cheesy tunes... and everyone in their finest...Right then I made a decision to return sometime for another long weekend in the heartland ... and if my Midwest small town peeps want a east coast big city experience I will do my best to show them a good time. I now know Peoria is a real place.

The Conspiracy

So THEY had 4 years to perfect the system. We all know what went down, the issue now is what are we gonna do. If one more person tells me to hang in there , we'll get THEM in 2008 I will scream. By then we will have nothing to get THEM with. The Supreme Court, our so called system of checks and balances , well who's checkin' and who's balancin'. We are facing the most conservative right wing appointments in history. How are we gonna stop that from happening? I have no answers , just hope and a desire to take to the streets. I obviously need direction and a good gas mask.

11/3/2004

I am profoundly devastated...We were robbed again...How could the largest Black voter and the largest turn out of people between the ages of 18-35 end in such a way ? Revolution is coming...